Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
