Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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