Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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