my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Sext me about skeletons
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize