hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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