CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You need a sexual gate keeper
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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