Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You took a bar mat shot.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
