Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
