Whod you bang
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
God I need to hump something, right now.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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