coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize