When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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