I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Sacagawea was the original milf.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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