Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Girls should come with a carfax report
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
