Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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