bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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