I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize