Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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