Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
we're making bets on your personal life
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
