I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
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