so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
