I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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