I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
