Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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