tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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