would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
