At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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