If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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