Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
