Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
