He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
