Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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