Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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