Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize