she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
