How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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