Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
