OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
