We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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