it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
