Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
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