Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize