Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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