You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize