I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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