dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
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