The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
