Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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