Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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