Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Watching her eat just hurts me
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
