Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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