he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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