Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
