You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
