I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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