I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize