I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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