i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
