she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
