She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
