I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
