Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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