I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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