you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
