thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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