There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
